BLC 6 is Over

I have been participating in a Biggest Loser Competition with some of the Mommies in my January 2011 group. We started the competition on April 25th, and today was our last weigh-in.

This was the first time that I completed a BLC from start to finish and gave it 100% effort. Usually, I’d give up right at the beginning, take passes, not post body/scale pics, and I’d drop out. I’m excited to say that I was in the top 3 spots throughout the entire challenge. I’ve been able to hold onto the number 1 spot over the past few weeks. I’m anxiously awaiting the final chart post to see how I did!!

On the first day of the competition, we had to set a personal weight loss goal for ourselves. While my goal seemed a little far fetched, I was able to accomplish it!! I lost 32.4 pounds, which is a weight loss percentage of 13.94%. I was so excited to see the scale this morning. I honestly didn’t think I could reach the number that I was looking for.

The ladies in my group are awesome! We all helped each other get thru the competition. I compared my intro pictures to my pictures today, and I can see the difference. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m on my way…….


Words Are Like Weapons….

If we don’t accept who we are, flaws and all, how can we expect others to accept us? These are my words to someone else, but this is one of my BIGGEST struggles. I have a very hard time accepting my appearance, my weight, and who I am because of things I’ve been told during my lifetime. I don’t want to be that way, but when I think about things that have been said, I can’t move on to think about myself any differently.

I always wonder what others think of my appearance or if they are making fun of me in any way. What are they thinking? Are they talking to themselves in their head about how I look? Do they think I just sit around eating tons of crap? I know that’s not what we are supposed to feel, but I just can’t help it at times.

I’ve always struggled with my appearance as far back as I can remember. My friends were thinner, prettier, wealthier, etc. I have always felt like I was in someone else’s shadow, not the person in the lime light. I know that we aren’t supposed to compare ourselves to others, but I have done it all my life. One of my friend’s Mom would always mention something about my weight, even though I was skin and bones, and had been questioned about having an eating disorder. That was the first time in my younger years that I remember questioning myself as to whether or not I was overweight. Are young children supposed to be thinking about things like this? Why would adults put down a younger person by saying something about their weight unless there really was some truth to it? That day is vivid in my mind. I remember staring at myself in the mirror for a long time before taking a shower that night. I couldn’t see what she was talking about, but then I started convincing myself that maybe she was right. I mean yeah, my legs did have a little thickness to them, so the title of “thunder thighs” (as she put it) did apply to me. But where was this fat she mentioned? I felt like I was pretty thin, but yet, I questioned my appearance because of a comment that was made. I was always self-conscious about myself when I was around this Mom after that day. I still am, but the good thing is, I don’t see her very often.

There was one time that I felt super confident with myself in my adult life. I was confident with who I was, my appearance, and where I was in life. I wore cute clothes, and I didn’t see any “bad” in it. It wasn’t until one day that I read something that someone wrote about me. It stopped me dead in my tracks, and those words still haunt me to this day. That person was talking about me being fat, along with some not so nice things about my appearance. I was shocked. This was someone that I confided in for so many years, someone who I would do anything for. Is this really what they thought of me? What made them say this? Why do they act differently to my face when I ask for their opinion? I remember being hurt for quite some time. Heck, just thinking about it brings back so many mixed feelings. They don’t know that I ever read that. Would they try to explain themselves for what they said? Would it even matter? Words are words, written or said, and they cannot be taken back. I never even told them that I knew what they thought of me. I was just way too hurt to even bring it up. To this day, unless they are reading this and remember writing that, they have no idea that I know what they really thought about me back then. What does this person think about me now? Do they still call me fat behind my back? Do I care about their opinion….yes, I really do, but now I know better than I did back then to think that they fully accept me for who I am and that they are truthful with their words.

I really do hope that my girls will never have to go thru any of this. I do not want someone’s rude, untrue words to play mind games with them all their lives. I know that people say things sometimes just to be hurtful, and I know they will go thru heartaches, but I hope it isn’t anything that anyone has said about their body and/or their appearance.

NOBODY needs to deal with ANY of this! It breaks my heart to read things on social media where people are body shaming others. What’s the purpose in doing that? Do you feel that insecure about yourself that you have to put someone else down? Why not say something to try to help them up? Do you know the path they have been down? Do you know if they have any illnesses that keep them from appearing healthy on the outside?

I’m slowly starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. I’m a work in progress, and I hope that writing out these instances will help me be able to heal and move on. I’ve carried these things with me for so long, and it is now time to “let them go”. Will that be easy to do, no, the scars are there, and they always will be. Do I hold a grudge for what was said? No, I’ve “forgiven” them a long time ago. It’s taken me a long time to be able to discuss these things “out loud”. I believe it is part of the healing process.

So, if you take anything with you from this blog post, I hope it is this:


51.2…..but Who’s Counting?

ME!!! I’m counting…. Drum roll please….. 51.2 pounds gone! Good riddance….you’re NOT welcomed back!!!

At the beginning of January, I decided that it was time to make a change. I wasn’t happy with my outward appearance, and I needed to regain control of my body. The evilness of PCOS had commanded my body long enough. I decided that “Day 1” of the new me would start January 4th. Did I think of changing my mind? NO! Had I done all my research before doing the low carb way of eating? NO!! Is this new way of eating working for me? YES!!!!

I can’t even begin to tell you how different I feel. I can move faster, I don’t get easily tired, I look forward to doing my workout, I can wear some clothes that I haven’t in a long time, and I feel “lighter”. Sometimes I don’t recognize my body when I’m standing in front of the mirror, when I’m wearing an outfit that’s been sitting in my closet for a while because it no longer fit me, or when I’m wearing one of my favorite shirts/outfits that fits way too big for me now.

In reality, I’ve lost as many pounds as my five year old weighs, and I’m a pound or two from losing as many pounds as my seven year old weighs. I can’t even imagine the fact that I was carrying that weight on me. How did I not struggle to get things done? How did I function with that extra weight packed on? Crazy how my eyes are so open to that now!

I know that people are different, and what works for me may not work for you. I’ve tried things in the past that friends and family were doing to become healthy, and it had NO impact on me whatsoever. I’m so grateful for finding something that works with my body.

There is one thing that I could do without on this new journey. That one thing is the “food nightmares” I’ve been having. What are those, you ask….. Well, last night I dreamt that I was eating a saltine cracker. All I could think about was how many carbs I was consuming, and how I wasn’t supposed to be eating it. I felt guilty while eating eat, but I still did it. I also was thinking about how it was going to impact my weigh in, but I ate every single piece of that saltine. When I woke-up, I was relieved to know that it was all a dream. I’ve had dreams of eating handfuls of chips, cookies, pizza, etc., and in those dreams I spit out the food when I realized what I was doing. LOL Crazy dreams!!! Between those dreams and work dreams, my mind is in overdrive!!!!

My game plan is to keep moving forward from here. I appreciate all of the support I have gotten from family and friends. I will share more of my journey another day!

Until then……….

30, 44, and Losing Part of Me

You’re probably wondering what the subject of this post is all about. Well, I will explain it all now. It’s probably not as exciting as you’d like for it to be!

30 – That’s how many pounds I am down now. Some of it has come off quickly, while some has taken it’s time. I’m excited about what’s been lost, and I can’t wait until I lose more. I know the process is slow, and it takes more time to take it off than it does to put it on, but I’m ready to hit another milestone in this journey. Baby steps to the finish line!  Thank you to all of you who are by my side, supporting me along the way!

44 – That’s how old I turned today. I don’t feel my age. I feel younger. I remember when I used to think 40 was old. I didn’t really dread my 40th birthday or cry over it. I didn’t feel like I was really going to be in my 40’s at that time. It’s hard for me to sometimes believe that I am the age that I am. Being in my 40’s isn’t bad at all. Yes, metabolism and other things have changed, but it is all part of becoming older and more mature. At least that’s what I keep telling myself! 🙂 Today I was told, “just wait until you’re in your 50’s, it doesn’t get any better.” Haha! I don’t even want to know what will happen then. For now, I’m going to enjoy my 44th year of life that God has given me. I know I will learn more than I already know, I will give my best,  and I know that I will experience things that I never have as well. I know that some of you don’t believe that I am 44 because you think I am younger, but I promise you, I was born in 1972!!!!

Losing part of me – Well, see, what happened was….. I had a minor medical procedure yesterday. I had a cyst under my right shoulder blade for as long as I can remember. It ruptured once, but it came back. I consulted with a surgeon a couple of weeks ago because it had gotten bigger and it had started to hurt. He agreed that it needed to be removed. So, I had my procedure with him yesterday morning. I was awake during the whole thing, and I did feel some pain. I let him know when I could feel what he was doing, and he’d inject more stuff into my back. It took a little longer than he anticipated for the removal, and it was bigger than what he thought. For some reason, when I have surgery, that seems to be the story of my life…always more than the Doctors/Surgeon had expected. I wanted to see the cyst, as he took it out as a whole, but it wasn’t anywhere to be seen when I was finally able to get up, move around, and look around. Yes, I’m weird like that. That stuff fascinates me. For some reason, I felt the urge to cry after the procedure was over and I was walking out to my car. I don’t know if it is because something that had been a part of me was gone after all of these years or if my body was just going through emotions from the procedure. I did manage to hold back the tears, but they were right there had I let them flow.

So, that’s it! Thank you to all of you who take the time to read my blog!! ❤

I’m A Loser….There, I Said It!

Not many people in this world will admit when they are a “loser” or when they are trying to become a “loser”. One of my 2016 goals is to be a “loser”. I know some of you are thinking, “Um, why would you want to be a loser”. The kind of “loser” I am talking about is something to be proud of. I want to be a “loser” of losing some poundage that I no longer want to carry around with me.

What gave me the motivation to want to become “loser” status you ask. Well, take a look at this picture.


Yes, I’m putting myself out there even though this photo is not something to be proud of. Who is that person looking back at me? That my friends is someone who suffers from PCOS, someone who consumed and injected quite a few fertility medications, someone who is a stress eater, and someone who has put everyone ahead of herself.

My Endocrinologist had been wanting me to start a low carb way of eating for a while. Did I listen to her? Heck to the NO! I wasn’t quite ready to go there just yet. I love food, and I wasn’t ready to give up my favorite stuff. Besides, what would I do if I got stressed out? How could I turn down delicious cake at the events I am at? I’m okay with the way that I am. I am loved no matter what…..

That was all fine and dandy until I started being on the other “side” of the camera. My fellow photographers would snap photos of me when we’d be testing lighting, and I’d see those images come edit time. I wasn’t sure who that person was that I was looking at any longer. How did I let myself get to that point? Yes, PCOS plays a major role in my weight, but I can do something to manage that.

I had been waiting for someone to start the low carb way of eating with me, thinking that I would fail if I didn’t have accountability. I have several online friends who are accountable, but text on a screen can only do so much. After waiting and waiting to get with it, I did it on my terms. My friends who I wanted to start this with me weren’t quite ready yet. I couldn’t make them join me if they weren’t prepared to take the first step with me. I had to decide to just do it or wait for someone else to want to do it with me.

On January 4, 2016, I decided that it was time. No more yummy loaded baked potatoes, no more awesome breakfast tacos, no more cake, candy, ice cream, chips, fried food, and no more Chick-fil-A sandwiches and yummy waffle fries. What would I eat, just salads, stuff I don’t even like? Nope, that wasn’t the deal. I found that I could eat eggs, cheese, pickles, steak, chicken, pork chops, fish, pork rinds, and yummy things that had lots of protein, low carbs (if any), and low sugar. After contemplating it for a while, I realized that this was something that I could do, on my own, without waiting for anyone to join me. The time to start was NOW! No more excuses!!!

I joined quite a few Facebook pages for this “new” way of eating. These “supporters” post so many recipes, encouraging stories and photos, and they offer great advice. There are many women who suffer from PCOS on these forums. This way of eating has been the best thing they’ve ever done for themselves. I feel that I can connect with quite a few of the people in these groups even though we’ve never met in person.

So now, I’m one of those people who reads labels at the grocery store, log in every single thing that I put in my mouth via MyFitnessPal, use a food scale to weigh my food, and a person who brings her own food to an event just in case there is food that is “not friendly” to my way of eating. Sounds like a lot of work, right? Yeah, I used to think the same thing. It really isn’t a lot of work. It has become part of my routine.

I have not had any problems turning down food that I used to love. It doesn’t even bother me to see others eating those foods either. Honestly, I feel great, I have more energy, and I can see changes in my body that other people may not be able to see yet.

Here I am 56 days on this new way of eating. My clothes are sagging, and my face is taking on a new look.

02 29 16 25 8 pounds down

I was really excited to jump on the scale this morning to see that I hit my first goal. I’ve lost a total of 25.8 pounds. Do you know what 25 pounds of fat looks like? Yeah, I didn’t either. Let me show you………

what fat looks like5lb-fat-brick

So the globs of the yellowish/orangish stuff in both pictures is now gone! I’ve lost 5 bricks. Think about how much lighter my body feels after dropping those bricks. Crazy, huh? Seeing these photos puts things into perspective. I do not want those 5 bricks back, nor do I want those globs of fat back either!

Can I continue to do this until I hit my final goal? I’m going to say YES, I CAN! Have I ever had thoughts of having a cheat day, um YES, but have I, NO!!!! This way of eating has become a part of who I am. I don’t force it on others. I’m doing this for me! Okay, I’m doing it for my kids as well because I want to be here for them!

So, if you’re on the fence about starting something new, really think about it, and do it when you are ready. If you’re not ready, you may not succeed in reaching your goals. Trust me, take it from someone who had people wanting to help me, but refused their help. You’ll know when you’re ready!!!!

16 Goals for 2016

I know that making new years resolutions is so cliché, so I’ve decided to set goals for myself instead of resolutions. Yes, they may sound the same, but setting goals just sounds better and easier to do.

1. Join a Bible Study
2. Go back to Church
3. Set realistic deadlines
4. Visit family more often
5. Paint at least once a month
6. Take the girls on more dates
7. Hand write an actual letter to family/friends
8. Start taking better care of myself
9. Read to the girls more often
10. Write more poetry
11. Read God’s Word at least once a day
12. Spend more time with friends
13. Take a minute to smell the roses
14 Find some “me” time somewhere in the day
15. More random acts of kindness
16. Focus more on what’s important in life

Making this list is harder than you think! Here’s to a positive 2016!!

2015 Year in Review or Something Like That

Hi, it’s me! I know it’s been a while, but I’m back. I didn’t think I was going to write a “year in review” type blog entry, but Mr. M to da Z mentioned to me today that I should. So, here is my attempt at talking about the highlights/lowlights of 2015. I hope you have plenty of hot chocolate and popcorn to enjoy as you read this. Make yourself comfy because it is kinda long!

January came and went very fast. RyRy turned 4. How is that even possible? Wasn’t she just born? We ended the month with adding Black Beauty (a new Ford F-150) to our family. She is shiny (metallic black). I still can’t get used to driving her because I think in the time that she’s been part of the family, I have driven her maybe 5 or 6 times.

February is a blur to me. I had sinus surgery. When my ENT told me about the procedure, she told me that I could come out of the surgery center looking like I went one or two rounds with Mike Tyson. I was afraid to look at myself in the mirror for the first time before I was released. I sent a picture to my neighbor. She told me that I looked very “California” with the tape/bandage on my nose. LOL Guess that’s a good thing. Luckily for me, I had no bruising.

March – I was so excited for March, as it is my birthday month. I thought for sure it was going to be a fun month. Unfortunately, my month didn’t go as planned. One Friday, I walked out of my office, thru the parking lot, and got into my vehicle. When I started my vehicle, it was very loud, and it vibrated from the sound. I turned it off and turned it back on again thinking that it was going to be different, but it wasn’t. Come to find out, someone stole the catalytic converter off my Honda Element. It was not a cheap replacement even with insurance paying a majority of it. Talk about an unexpected expense due to someone else’s doing. I learned that this is a common thing, but I had never heard of it before that day. It takes about a minute for thieves to cut it off and drive away. There was a plus to the month, we welcomed 2 new members to our family (bunnies). They were super cute, and the girls love holding them and watching them jump around.

April – We enjoyed Easter with the girls. They wore beautiful dresses, and they found lots of eggs. We read the story of Jesus’ resurrection.

May – I wore a heart monitor for most the of the month of April and May. I had an abnormal EKG when I had my surgery in February, and then I had another abnormal one when I met with the heart specialist. He had me wear a heart monitor, and I also had an echocardiogram done. Thank God everything came back normal.

June -The girls got out of school for the Summer. They were both sad that school was over for the year, as they both enjoyed their teachers and friends very much. I had my 6 month mammogram diagnostic exam. Things still need to be monitored, but so far, nothing has changed. They just want to make sure it stays that way. I also had an MRI of my left ankle/foot. It kept hurting me, would get swollen, and I could hardly walk on it. Come to find out, I had/have 6 torn ligaments. Sigh….Ain’t nobody got time for that.

July – Tim had to go to California for work. The girls and I got lucky and were able to tag along. I FINALLY got to meet Karalayne. She and I have been friends for about 8 or 9 years. We met on Fertile Thoughts, and we have been friends ever since. I was excited to finally get to meet her and her family. The girls and I spent time with her and her kiddos during the day while Tim was working. The girls were so sad when we spent the last day with them. They are ready to go back for a visit to go see their friends. I got to scratch one of my bucket list items off. I saw the HOLLYWOOD sign in person! YAY! I also got to stand outside of Eva Longoria’s restaurant – Beso. It was too early in the day for her to be there. I’d like to go back and eat there one day. We went to Venice Beach… about a great place to go for people watching. So much to see there! Santa Monica Pier was fun as well. We got to watch a firework show. Overall, it was a fun trip. RyRy has decided that she wants to move to California when she turns 18. CJ tells her that she’s going to need to find a job to make money to live there. LOL My CJ turned 7. She’s growing up way too fast. I wish we could pause time. Had to get an MRI of my right ankle after our trip to Cali. The front part of my ankle was super swollen and tender.  I somehow tore an anterior tendon. Yay me….how does that even happen?

August – Hank and his family came into town the last week of July, and were in Texas until the first week of August. Hank and his family, Matt his family, and me and the girls all went to Corpus Christi to spend time with our parents. It had been way too long since we were all under one roof. Us kiddos enjoyed some beach time together on the last night we were there. The kids had fun in the water, but us grownups didn’t want to see if jaws would make an appearance when it started to get dark. LOL The girls went back to school after a nice and relaxing Summer.

September – I got the opportunity to travel back to a part of South Texas where I lived back in the day. The town looked so different. Everything is different now. It’s no longer a sleepy little town. It was kind of back to see part of “my history” change so much from when I left it. I guess that goes to show that things are forever changing, and nothing ever stays the same.

October – We got lots of rain throughout the month. The storms were very loud and scary. Halloween was fun. The kiddos enjoyed trick-or-treating. We didn’t have as many trick-or-treaters as usual. I’m guessing since Halloween fell on a Saturday, there were lots of parties, and organizations had things going on for their members.

November – Thanks to our wonderful neighbors, I got to experience an Evanescence concert VIP style. I must admit that I was unsure what to expect since it was a “rocker” type band and not something I have experienced before. I met some cool people, and I will be forever grateful for that night.  Thanksgiving is made to be spent with family and friends. We invited some “new to America” friends to our house for the festivities. It was their 1st Thanksgiving ever. I believe they enjoyed it, and we were blessed to have them join us. My parents came to town to celebrate with us as well. I love spending holidays with my family, and I cherish those moments with them.

December – December is supposed to be filled with laughter and cheer. The Grinch decided to visit us the week before Christmas, and he stole our Star Shower Lights. The girls were very upset about it. I can’t believe that people are brave enough to walk into someone’s yard and take their stuff. People have major balls that’s for sure!! Christmas was exciting. Santa was very good to the girls. I caught him in action when he came to visit our house. The girls enjoyed seeing the photos I snapped of him when he stopped by.  We met a new family in our subdivision. They have a daughter who will be attending our elementary school, and she is in 2nd grade like CJ. I believe they hit it off pretty good. I’m excited to get to know her and her family better as time goes on.

Besides never ending soccer for both girls, and always having somewhere we needed to be, we survived 2015!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!!

2015 Was a great year for me overall. I am a very blessed individual whom is grateful for all the blessings bestowed upon me!! I spent time with family and friends, and I’ve made some new friends along the way. Some family and friends have stepped out of my life for reasons unknown to me. I’ve tried to communicate with several of them, but my attempts didn’t get any type of response. I cannot make anyone want to be a part of my life, but if I know that I did nothing to make them not want to be in it, I have to question myself what went wrong. While everyone says to just let it go and move forward, it is very hard for me to do that.

I have come to realize that I am not Wonder Woman, and I cannot do everything that I’d like to do. There are just not enough hours in the day to get it all done. In 2016, I need to learn how to balance things better, and I need to learn how to say “no” more, and I need to occasionally ask for help. That is so hard for me to do, but I’m going to do my best to do it more in 2016.

There is so much that I’m going to work on in 2016. I have so many personal things that I want to change to better myself, and I have to be the one to make it happen. I need to get back into church, and I need to get back into the word. That is one of my biggest goals for 2016. I’ve ventured away for way too long, and it’s time to find my way back.

So there you have it, a glimpse into my 2015. Tonight I will ring in the new year in my pajamas, possibly watching Netflix, and just relaxing. This girl has no energy to do much of anything else.

Thanks for reading! I know it’s long!!


HELLO……IT’S ME!!!!!!!

Well, I haven’t been blogging every day like I thought I would or thought I should. Man, it’s been such a long time. I need to get back on the ball with writing. Writing does cleanse the soul. Wait, I think music cleanses my soul, but writing is pretty therapeutic to me.

Life has been crazy, busy as usual, but I don’t mind it one bit. I could use one day of doing absolutely nothing, but that’s not gonna happen! LOL

I haven’t focused any on my weight loss journey. I really do need to step to it! It’s not going to happen on its own! Right? Right! I just need more hours in the day to fit everything in. I really and truly want it to happen. I’m just so tired at the end of the day by the time everything gets done and the girls go to sleep. I am going to get on board and make something happen.

I also am going to get back to blogging. My blog entries may not be all about losing weight, but I will keep everyone entertained. 🙂

I didn’t get a chance to watch any of My Big Fat Fabulous Life on TLC, but I’m glad that PCOS is being “introduced” to so many who don’t know anything about it. I’m hoping to be able to watch the series on demand. I’ve read that there are quite a few negative comments made to this young woman regarding her weight and appearance. Society is horrible. Those bullies need to back off and leave her alone. I don’t understand what our World is coming to.

Hope all of you are doing well! Take care……. God Bless!!

It’s All About Presentation

I’ve been rather quiet these past two days. I didn’t not blog because I didn’t have anything to say, but I didn’t blog because I crashed early the past couple of nights! LOL I guess this week kicked my butt pretty much!

So tonight, there was a dance at my daughter’s school. They had a DJ, photo booths, food, drinks, and snacks. The photo booths were set up in the gym, and there was one set up on the stage area in the cafeteria. The DJ was set up in the gym, and there were stations where the kids could get stickers and/or tattoos put on them. While I was getting ready for the dance this afternoon, I had this vision in my mind of what I thought the DJ booth would look like moreorless. I was thinking lots of lights, speakers, maybe a fog machine, you know….all the bells and whistles that DJ’s “bring to the table”. I thought it might look something like this PLH Setup, but instead, this is what it looked like wpid-storageemulated0DCIMCamera2014-02-21-21.48.55.jpg.jpg Don’t get me wrong, it did sound pretty good and the kids had fun dancing to the music, the presentation just didn’t do it for me. I expected a little more!

That really got me thinking though. You know how when you talk to someone on the phone you get this mental image of what you think they look like, and then when you meet them, they are nothing like what you thought? I wonder how many times that has happened to people who have talked to me on the phone first and then met me. Have I disappointed people because I wasn’t all that they thought I would be appearance wise? Did I not present myself in a positive manner like they thought I should? What is my overall presentation like? Do I carry myself well? Does the way I dress go with my body type? Do I leave people expecting more? Not only am I not comfortable with my appearance, but now, there may be other people out there that feel the same way. Y-I-K-E-S!!! That’s a tough pill to swallow!

So now, I know that I need to work just a little bit harder to make my overall presentation a positive one. I need to do it for myself, as well as others around me. I don’t want to have a “just okay” type presentation of myself! While I know that what’s on the inside has a lot to do with what makes a person them, I also know that the outside needs to be well maintained and taken care of. Everyone knows that we shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, but we sometimes won’t even bother to give that book a chance if the appearance of the cover is worn or the pages look a little on the dingy side. I want people to see someone who is positive, someone who cares about their “presentation”, someone who loves themselves and is positive in everything that they do! While it may take me a little while to shine up this old book cover, I know that it can be done! I’m going to work hard and make it happen!!

Love Your Body

There are many things that I fight myself over. A couple of the hardest struggles are loving myself and loving my body. I struggle with those two things on a daily basis. I am insecure about my body and about my appearance. My self esteem isn’t all that much. There are times when I do feel confident that I look nice, but those are few and far between.   Then there are the days when I’m feeling the slightest bit of confidence and have a little self esteem, and someone will make a negative comment that will crush me back down to the ground.

Today as I was walking to my vehicle after work, I could see an orange sticker on it. At first I thought maybe the Security Guard left me a nice little love note telling me I had parked incorrectly or something.  To my surprise,  there was a note on my window:


At first I was shocked and didn’t know what to think. For a minute or two I thought I had a stalker and wondered if I was being watched as I read the note. Then I thought that maybe one of my coworkers had done it.

I looked around and noticed that there were a few other cars that had notes on them. I wasn’t being stalked. Whew! I decided to go see what the notes said:


Wow, that is really sad. I know peer pressure and bullying is bad, but kids should be having fun at those ages and not worry I about dieting. Do their parents know what they are doing? Do the parents themselves put the kids on diets?


This is very true. I have plenty of friends who are thin and healthy who think they are fat. They are always looking into different diets to see what they can do to lose weight.  I tell them to stand next to me and they will see just how not overweight they are.


I agree that magazines fill our heads with images of how society expects us to look. Almost every single magazine you pick up has at least an ad and/or article about weight loss. They keep telling us that if you are a size 10 or bigger, you are considered to be overweight.


It’s almost Prom time. Have you seen the dresses in magazines? You’ve gotta be super thin to look “good” in them, and there’s no room for any kind of tummy, even if it is PMS bloating. I hear quite a few young girls saying they need to lose 10 pounds to fit into such and such dress, or that they will look like a cow in their swimsuit during Spring Break if they don’t lose the weight.

I have no idea who wrote these notes or how they knew if women drove the vehicles they left the note on. I do know that my note hits home. Does the person who wrote the note know me or read my blog? Will I ever know who wrote the note? Probably not. I wish I did know who wrote it so I could tell them, “Thank you”.

I am working on accepting who I am and loving myself just the way that I am. I got this “sign” from my Bestie.  I am going to print it out and put it on my mirror so that I can read it every day.


It will take baby steps to regain feelings of love for my body, but I know that I will get there someday!