It’s Not ALL About Me….

When I first started on this journey, I was pretty quiet about it. I myself knew that I needed to change me, and I had several others suggesting that I needed to change me, without coming right out and saying so. From past experience, I knew it was best to keep things to myself just in case I didn’t stick with it. I didn’t want anyone calling me out in front of a room filled with people if I were to eat something that I shouldn’t. Trust me, it’s happened before.

As I started seeing positive results, I decided to share this lifestyle change I was doing. After researching challenges to keep my body moving, I started exercising at home after everyone went to bed. Two months of doing them on my own, I decided to start a challenge group to get others to join me. I expected maybe 5 people or so to jump in. Instead, I had about 45 friends join me. I was so excited to see their “before” and “after” photos at the end of round 1. Round 2 brought on more friends, and those friends invited their friends. We are now on round 3, and we have 154 members in our group. I’m so excited that these women want to tone up their bodies along side with me.

They tell me how I’ve inspired them, and they thank me for starting the group. In all honesty, they inspire me, and I appreciate them being in the group. They help keep me motivated and pumped up to be a better me. There are days that I’m so tired at the end of the day, and I’d rather go to bed than workout. However, I see the women checking in that their workout is complete, and it pushes me to get up and get moving. If it weren’t for them, I’m not sure I’d stay on track with the daily workouts.

At first, we were focusing on toning up our arms. We are now doing full body toning and sculpting. Seeing the results from their hard work is amazing. They work so hard, and I’m proud of each and every one of them. They help motivate others in the group, and I love that they are active with one another’s progress and struggles.

Avenue A, a local company, designed a logo for our group, and has made muscle shirts for some of our members. I can’t wait to see the ladies in their awesome tanks, showing off their guns.

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So, here’s to the awesome ladies who push me to want to do better for myself! Thank you for joining me in becoming a healthier person. You ladies rock, and I can’t wait to see all of our results at the end of this month!

Keep on working hard, and you will see the results in the end. Push yourself to reach the finish line, no matter how long it takes you to get there!! It may not happen tomorrow, this month, or next, but it will happen!

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Nike’s Dri Fit Be Strong Capris

Today I went to the Nike Outlet Store. I decided to go there to buy some workout pants/spanx since nothing I own at the moment fits the right way. Plus, I wanted to try some stuff on to find out what size I wore in case I ever wanted to purchase anything on their website.

I ended up buying 1 pair of “training” capris, 2 pairs of running capris, and 1 shirt. Since I now know how this stuff feels while working out, I plan on going back to get a few more items.

Instead of posting just pictures of my purchases, I decided that I would do video reviews of my workout gear so that people could hear my words. 🙂

My first review today is of the Be Strong Dri Fit Capris. I got some black ones. They are really comfortable and soft. Man, my feet look really big….Haha!

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At first, I was skeptical to purchase them. I was afraid that they would be too tight, but they went up with no problem, and I wasn’t spilling out of them or anything like that.

To view my video review, click HERE to be redirected to my YouTube channel.

These capris really do hold in the moisture as you workout. You can’t feel or smell the sweat until you take the pants off. LOL They work really well to keep you dry.

I recommend these to anyone who needs new workout gear. They definitely do what the labels say they do, and they are really comfortable.

Until my next blog and/or review…..

 

They Say The Hardest Part is Letting Go

When you experience a loss of any kind, there is always something that you hold onto. Whether it be a photo, letter, t-shirt, etc. There is always that one thing that is going to remind you of a special time, place, or person.

I’ve been on my weight loss journey since January 4th. Here we are August 12th, and I am having a problem with letting go. Letting go of what you ask? Well, I have yet to clean out my closet and dresser drawers to get rid of the clothes that no longer fit due to them being too big. I know that once I do decide to let go, my closet and dresser are going to look rather bare. I actually had a dream that someone went into my closet and removed all of the bigger clothes. I freaked out because my favorites were gone, and there were dresses in there that I just wasn’t ready to get rid of. I remember waking up, getting out of bed, opening the closet door, and being so happy that it was only a dream.

I cannot even begin to tell you how many articles of clothing I own. Right now, there are only a handful of things that fit the way they are supposed to. One thing is for sure though, there is not one piece of clothing in there that is too small. As a matter of fact, I need to go shopping to buy some stuff that actually fits without me having to fold the waistline over just to keep them from falling down. My dress shirts swallow me up, and the t-shirts are really big. Some of my most favorite dresses hang too low in the front and on the sides, and if I choose to wear them, I have to wear an undershirt or something with them to not expose parts of my body. LOL Sad, I know……

Then there is the decision of donating the stuff or trying to sell it to make some money to buy new stuff. I know that there are plus sized women who would rock the dresses I have, and they’d look awesome in the skirts, jeans, and shorts that are feeling neglected right about now.

Why am I so afraid to let it all go? I know that I don’t plan on going back to where I was before. I’ve come so far, and I do not want to take any steps back. I’ve lost 95 pounds, and I’m not done just yet.

I have favorite t-shirts from special moments in my life. I can’t see myself parting with a few. I will keep them to sleep in since my gowns and night shirts are just way too big.

So, here’s to letting go…. I’ve let go of 95 pounds, and I don’t want them back, so why can’t I part with the clothing to go along with it? I’m going to pray for peace to help me start the process of letting go.

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BLC 6 is Over

I have been participating in a Biggest Loser Competition with some of the Mommies in my January 2011 group. We started the competition on April 25th, and today was our last weigh-in.

This was the first time that I completed a BLC from start to finish and gave it 100% effort. Usually, I’d give up right at the beginning, take passes, not post body/scale pics, and I’d drop out. I’m excited to say that I was in the top 3 spots throughout the entire challenge. I’ve been able to hold onto the number 1 spot over the past few weeks. I’m anxiously awaiting the final chart post to see how I did!!

On the first day of the competition, we had to set a personal weight loss goal for ourselves. While my goal seemed a little far fetched, I was able to accomplish it!! I lost 32.4 pounds, which is a weight loss percentage of 13.94%. I was so excited to see the scale this morning. I honestly didn’t think I could reach the number that I was looking for.

The ladies in my group are awesome! We all helped each other get thru the competition. I compared my intro pictures to my pictures today, and I can see the difference. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m on my way…….

Words Are Like Weapons….

If we don’t accept who we are, flaws and all, how can we expect others to accept us? These are my words to someone else, but this is one of my BIGGEST struggles. I have a very hard time accepting my appearance, my weight, and who I am because of things I’ve been told during my lifetime. I don’t want to be that way, but when I think about things that have been said, I can’t move on to think about myself any differently.

I always wonder what others think of my appearance or if they are making fun of me in any way. What are they thinking? Are they talking to themselves in their head about how I look? Do they think I just sit around eating tons of crap? I know that’s not what we are supposed to feel, but I just can’t help it at times.

I’ve always struggled with my appearance as far back as I can remember. My friends were thinner, prettier, wealthier, etc. I have always felt like I was in someone else’s shadow, not the person in the lime light. I know that we aren’t supposed to compare ourselves to others, but I have done it all my life. One of my friend’s Mom would always mention something about my weight, even though I was skin and bones, and had been questioned about having an eating disorder. That was the first time in my younger years that I remember questioning myself as to whether or not I was overweight. Are young children supposed to be thinking about things like this? Why would adults put down a younger person by saying something about their weight unless there really was some truth to it? That day is vivid in my mind. I remember staring at myself in the mirror for a long time before taking a shower that night. I couldn’t see what she was talking about, but then I started convincing myself that maybe she was right. I mean yeah, my legs did have a little thickness to them, so the title of “thunder thighs” (as she put it) did apply to me. But where was this fat she mentioned? I felt like I was pretty thin, but yet, I questioned my appearance because of a comment that was made. I was always self-conscious about myself when I was around this Mom after that day. I still am, but the good thing is, I don’t see her very often.

There was one time that I felt super confident with myself in my adult life. I was confident with who I was, my appearance, and where I was in life. I wore cute clothes, and I didn’t see any “bad” in it. It wasn’t until one day that I read something that someone wrote about me. It stopped me dead in my tracks, and those words still haunt me to this day. That person was talking about me being fat, along with some not so nice things about my appearance. I was shocked. This was someone that I confided in for so many years, someone who I would do anything for. Is this really what they thought of me? What made them say this? Why do they act differently to my face when I ask for their opinion? I remember being hurt for quite some time. Heck, just thinking about it brings back so many mixed feelings. They don’t know that I ever read that. Would they try to explain themselves for what they said? Would it even matter? Words are words, written or said, and they cannot be taken back. I never even told them that I knew what they thought of me. I was just way too hurt to even bring it up. To this day, unless they are reading this and remember writing that, they have no idea that I know what they really thought about me back then. What does this person think about me now? Do they still call me fat behind my back? Do I care about their opinion….yes, I really do, but now I know better than I did back then to think that they fully accept me for who I am and that they are truthful with their words.

I really do hope that my girls will never have to go thru any of this. I do not want someone’s rude, untrue words to play mind games with them all their lives. I know that people say things sometimes just to be hurtful, and I know they will go thru heartaches, but I hope it isn’t anything that anyone has said about their body and/or their appearance.

NOBODY needs to deal with ANY of this! It breaks my heart to read things on social media where people are body shaming others. What’s the purpose in doing that? Do you feel that insecure about yourself that you have to put someone else down? Why not say something to try to help them up? Do you know the path they have been down? Do you know if they have any illnesses that keep them from appearing healthy on the outside?

I’m slowly starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. I’m a work in progress, and I hope that writing out these instances will help me be able to heal and move on. I’ve carried these things with me for so long, and it is now time to “let them go”. Will that be easy to do, no, the scars are there, and they always will be. Do I hold a grudge for what was said? No, I’ve “forgiven” them a long time ago. It’s taken me a long time to be able to discuss these things “out loud”. I believe it is part of the healing process.

So, if you take anything with you from this blog post, I hope it is this:

NEVER USE UNTRUE WORDS TO BEAT SOMEONE DOWN. THEY WILL HAUNT THAT PERSON FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES WHILE YOU MOVE ON! THEY MAY PUT ON A FAKE SMILE IN FRONT OF YOU AND ACT AS IF THEY ARE OKAY, BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE, IT’S EATING THEM ALIVE!!

51.2…..but Who’s Counting?

ME!!! I’m counting…. Drum roll please….. 51.2 pounds gone! Good riddance….you’re NOT welcomed back!!!

At the beginning of January, I decided that it was time to make a change. I wasn’t happy with my outward appearance, and I needed to regain control of my body. The evilness of PCOS had commanded my body long enough. I decided that “Day 1” of the new me would start January 4th. Did I think of changing my mind? NO! Had I done all my research before doing the low carb way of eating? NO!! Is this new way of eating working for me? YES!!!!

I can’t even begin to tell you how different I feel. I can move faster, I don’t get easily tired, I look forward to doing my workout, I can wear some clothes that I haven’t in a long time, and I feel “lighter”. Sometimes I don’t recognize my body when I’m standing in front of the mirror, when I’m wearing an outfit that’s been sitting in my closet for a while because it no longer fit me, or when I’m wearing one of my favorite shirts/outfits that fits way too big for me now.

In reality, I’ve lost as many pounds as my five year old weighs, and I’m a pound or two from losing as many pounds as my seven year old weighs. I can’t even imagine the fact that I was carrying that weight on me. How did I not struggle to get things done? How did I function with that extra weight packed on? Crazy how my eyes are so open to that now!

I know that people are different, and what works for me may not work for you. I’ve tried things in the past that friends and family were doing to become healthy, and it had NO impact on me whatsoever. I’m so grateful for finding something that works with my body.

There is one thing that I could do without on this new journey. That one thing is the “food nightmares” I’ve been having. What are those, you ask….. Well, last night I dreamt that I was eating a saltine cracker. All I could think about was how many carbs I was consuming, and how I wasn’t supposed to be eating it. I felt guilty while eating eat, but I still did it. I also was thinking about how it was going to impact my weigh in, but I ate every single piece of that saltine. When I woke-up, I was relieved to know that it was all a dream. I’ve had dreams of eating handfuls of chips, cookies, pizza, etc., and in those dreams I spit out the food when I realized what I was doing. LOL Crazy dreams!!! Between those dreams and work dreams, my mind is in overdrive!!!!

My game plan is to keep moving forward from here. I appreciate all of the support I have gotten from family and friends. I will share more of my journey another day!

Until then……….

It’s All About Presentation

I’ve been rather quiet these past two days. I didn’t not blog because I didn’t have anything to say, but I didn’t blog because I crashed early the past couple of nights! LOL I guess this week kicked my butt pretty much!

So tonight, there was a dance at my daughter’s school. They had a DJ, photo booths, food, drinks, and snacks. The photo booths were set up in the gym, and there was one set up on the stage area in the cafeteria. The DJ was set up in the gym, and there were stations where the kids could get stickers and/or tattoos put on them. While I was getting ready for the dance this afternoon, I had this vision in my mind of what I thought the DJ booth would look like moreorless. I was thinking lots of lights, speakers, maybe a fog machine, you know….all the bells and whistles that DJ’s “bring to the table”. I thought it might look something like this PLH Setup, but instead, this is what it looked like wpid-storageemulated0DCIMCamera2014-02-21-21.48.55.jpg.jpg Don’t get me wrong, it did sound pretty good and the kids had fun dancing to the music, the presentation just didn’t do it for me. I expected a little more!

That really got me thinking though. You know how when you talk to someone on the phone you get this mental image of what you think they look like, and then when you meet them, they are nothing like what you thought? I wonder how many times that has happened to people who have talked to me on the phone first and then met me. Have I disappointed people because I wasn’t all that they thought I would be appearance wise? Did I not present myself in a positive manner like they thought I should? What is my overall presentation like? Do I carry myself well? Does the way I dress go with my body type? Do I leave people expecting more? Not only am I not comfortable with my appearance, but now, there may be other people out there that feel the same way. Y-I-K-E-S!!! That’s a tough pill to swallow!

So now, I know that I need to work just a little bit harder to make my overall presentation a positive one. I need to do it for myself, as well as others around me. I don’t want to have a “just okay” type presentation of myself! While I know that what’s on the inside has a lot to do with what makes a person them, I also know that the outside needs to be well maintained and taken care of. Everyone knows that we shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, but we sometimes won’t even bother to give that book a chance if the appearance of the cover is worn or the pages look a little on the dingy side. I want people to see someone who is positive, someone who cares about their “presentation”, someone who loves themselves and is positive in everything that they do! While it may take me a little while to shine up this old book cover, I know that it can be done! I’m going to work hard and make it happen!!

Love Your Body

There are many things that I fight myself over. A couple of the hardest struggles are loving myself and loving my body. I struggle with those two things on a daily basis. I am insecure about my body and about my appearance. My self esteem isn’t all that much. There are times when I do feel confident that I look nice, but those are few and far between.   Then there are the days when I’m feeling the slightest bit of confidence and have a little self esteem, and someone will make a negative comment that will crush me back down to the ground.

Today as I was walking to my vehicle after work, I could see an orange sticker on it. At first I thought maybe the Security Guard left me a nice little love note telling me I had parked incorrectly or something.  To my surprise,  there was a note on my window:

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At first I was shocked and didn’t know what to think. For a minute or two I thought I had a stalker and wondered if I was being watched as I read the note. Then I thought that maybe one of my coworkers had done it.

I looked around and noticed that there were a few other cars that had notes on them. I wasn’t being stalked. Whew! I decided to go see what the notes said:

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Wow, that is really sad. I know peer pressure and bullying is bad, but kids should be having fun at those ages and not worry I about dieting. Do their parents know what they are doing? Do the parents themselves put the kids on diets?

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This is very true. I have plenty of friends who are thin and healthy who think they are fat. They are always looking into different diets to see what they can do to lose weight.  I tell them to stand next to me and they will see just how not overweight they are.

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I agree that magazines fill our heads with images of how society expects us to look. Almost every single magazine you pick up has at least an ad and/or article about weight loss. They keep telling us that if you are a size 10 or bigger, you are considered to be overweight.

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It’s almost Prom time. Have you seen the dresses in magazines? You’ve gotta be super thin to look “good” in them, and there’s no room for any kind of tummy, even if it is PMS bloating. I hear quite a few young girls saying they need to lose 10 pounds to fit into such and such dress, or that they will look like a cow in their swimsuit during Spring Break if they don’t lose the weight.

I have no idea who wrote these notes or how they knew if women drove the vehicles they left the note on. I do know that my note hits home. Does the person who wrote the note know me or read my blog? Will I ever know who wrote the note? Probably not. I wish I did know who wrote it so I could tell them, “Thank you”.

I am working on accepting who I am and loving myself just the way that I am. I got this “sign” from my Bestie.  I am going to print it out and put it on my mirror so that I can read it every day.

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It will take baby steps to regain feelings of love for my body, but I know that I will get there someday!